


sing me a song

by humaling



Category: Pentagon (Korea Band)
Genre: 25 lives AU, Alternate Universe, Angst, M/M, Multiple Lives, Temporary Character Death, lapslock
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-25
Updated: 2017-05-25
Packaged: 2018-11-04 19:05:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10997088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/humaling/pseuds/humaling
Summary: it's a long, winding road, but somehow hongseok finds his way back home.





	sing me a song

 

the moon is soaked in sadness, quietly painting the land blue as it watches two young men through the clouds.

changgu's eyes were heavy, his lids half-closed as he stared at hongseok under the moon, the older's tan skin glowing faintly in the moonlight. he was humming lightly under his breath, long fingers combing through changgu's soft dark locks. he smiled, closing his eyes and curling up against hongseok.

tonight is their last night together. tomorrow, changgu will be married to the king of another kingdom, and he will have to leave their home. hongseok doesn't want to think about how lonely the gardens will be without his prince.

“seok-ah,” changgu mumbles, shifting slightly so he can look up at him.

“hm?”

“would you sing for me tonight?” his hands move to grip hongseok's clothes, his face nestled in the crook of his neck. “would you sing for me one last time?”

“sh. it won't be the last time,” hongseok tells him, placing soft lips against the crown of changgu's hair. “i will find a way to sing for you. i'll spend lifetimes searching for you if i must.”

changgu's laugh rings lightly, sadly. “is that a promise?”

“it is.” a pause. “i love you.”

changgu lifts his head and looks back at his lover. “i love you, too.”

 

it is not the first farewell.

 

 

hongseok looks up from the counter as the bell chimes, indicating the arrival of a new customer. he watches a familiar young man step into the store, smiling at him when he realises he's being watched. his heart feels like it's being squeezed in his chest.

“hi,” changgu greets when he comes back to the counter with a book in hand.

hongseok smiles back in return. “is this all?” he asks, taking the book from the other boy, who nods. hongseok reads the cover and asks, “so you like... science fiction?”

changgu shakes his head, his hand flying up to cover a small laugh. “no, it's for a friend. i don't like science fiction at all.”

hongseok knows he doesn't like science fiction. he also knows changgu prefers poetry, because changgu told him so, a few lifetimes ago. nevertheless, he asks, “what do you like, then?”

“poetry, i'd say,” changgu replies, “sometimes romance. you?”

“similar things, i guess,” hongseok tells him. he hesitates, and then takes a leap of faith. “do you believe in fate?”

changgu's head tilts slightly to the side, looking at the other a bit funnily. “that's an interesting question.”

hongseok shrugs, withdrawing into himself. past lifetimes have taught him that forcing changgu to remember won't help at all. “here you go – thanks for visiting. please come again.”

he watches him go, and he could only hope that this wasn't the last time he sees changgu in this lifetime.

 

 

changgu is drunk, his form leaning against hongseok's side. hyojong was passed out on the other side of the booth, as the rest of their friends sing and some sad love song out of tune with the occasional unstable, wrongly timed high pitch. hongseok and hwitaek remain the only two still able to stand without swaying, because they all needed someone to drive their asses back to bed and make sure nobody runs into a wall or out into the middle of the streets.

“hyung,” changgu mutters. hongseok's eyes snap from their friends' stumbling forms to the younger man beside him. _changgu must be really drunk._ “hyung.”

“what is it?” hongseok asks. changgu moves away from his side (hongseok resists moving closer, missing his warmth) and faces him, eyes heavy and unreadable in the dim lighting.

“hyung-ah i like you,” changgu announces, a wide grin spreading on his face. hongseok raises an eyebrow, trying to ignore the way his heart skipped a beat at changgu's drunken confession.

“i like you too, changgu,” he answers, but changgu's brows furrow and he shakes his head.

“no, hyung,” he whines, “i _like_ you. i like hongseok hyung a lot.”

hongseok's heart jumps in his chest. “changgu, you're drunk.”

“so you don't like me back?”

he sighs. “yes, i do, but – ”

changgu cuts him off, pressing his lips against hongseok's, whose breath catches in his throat. it lasts too long and ends too quickly, with changgu smiling up at him before prompty falling asleep against his chest.

hongseok thinks changgu wouldn't remember – he was drunk, after all – convinces himself that he won't remember, mostly because he doesn't want to get his hopes up and his heart crushed once again, but then monday comes and hongseok's already working when changgu suddenly swoops into his cubicle to press a quick kiss against his cheeks, blushing yet still grinning happily at the older, and he finally lets himself think that maybe it won't always be that bad.

 

 

in this lifetime, hongseok sees changgu only once.

changgu's family moves in their neighbourhood the day hongseok's scheduled to fly to america.

as he walks out of the house, bags in tow, he watches as a slim figure sets down a box that hongseok assumes is filled with his things. he tears his eyes away, scared that he might not leave if he looks at changgu a little longer.

before he gets in the car, he meets changgu's curious eyes, and the boy waves to hongseok, who gives him a tight smile.

he wonders whether changgu's heart feels as lonely as his.

 

 

changgu has always loved flowers.

hongseok can name all of his favourite flowers from memory. he remembers weaving the petals into his hair, remembers the petals littering their bodies as they enjoy the setting sun.

he was merely passing by when he'd caught a glimpse of a bright smile that he knew too well. he stops a few feet away, but thinks, _fuck it_ , and walks straight into the flower shop. he regrets it immediately as he sees changgu's back turned towards him, the younger laughing and kissing another boy's cheek before pushing him into the back of the shop.

he contemplates just leaving, but then changgu turns around and waves at him, saying, “hi! are you looking for any flower in particular?”

hongseok steels himself and walks to the counter, not really having anything in mind. “uh – sunflowers and apple blossoms. do you have those?”

changgu's eyes widen in surprise before curving into happy crescents like they have a thousand times before. “yes, i'm sure we do. yananie,” he calls, and hongseok assumes it's the boy from earlier. “apple blossoms and sunflowers, please!” he turns back to hongseok. “that's an interesting pick.”

“is it?” he asks, knowing what the other would say next.

“yeah, they're really pretty, aren't they?” yanan hands the bouquet over and changgu gives it to hongseok, taking his payment. “they're my favourites. come again soon!”

the next morning, changgu finds a similar bouquet waiting for him at the back door – this time with a handful of dainty red carnations and bright yellow chrysanthemums.

 

hongseok's happiness is torn away from him as easily as it was given.

it was stupid – a fight between him and changgu, one over nothing important, nothing worth losing each other, but they were confused and angry and frustrated and they'd thrown petty insults and pointed out little faults, up until everything piled up and they couldn't blow it over.

changgu had yelled at him not having time for them anymore, and hongseok had fired back about him being with yanan or some other friend whenever he would ask him out. they'd accused each other of lying and cheating up until hongseok had just left, slammed the door and went over to hwitaek's to blow it off.

the next morning he'd returned and changgu was there, waiting, but just as hongseok had opened his mouth, he said - “i'm leaving.”

the next time hongseok saw him, he was happy with yanan. he doesn't even try anymore – he tells himself _it's fine (it's not fine), i don't miss him (i miss him so much). it's going to be fine, as long as he's happy._

it was the last time he ever sees changgu in that lifetime.

 

 

in one lifetime, hongseok never meets changgu.

he'd been at the cemetery, wandering aimlessly, when he'd stumbled on a marker. he doesn't know why he looked at it, what he was thinking when he did.

he does know he could have lived through this lifetime without seeing changgu's name on a grave.

 

 

the rain falls against the cracked pavement in heavy, fat drops, colliding against metal bars loudly. hongseok rushes through the rain, his hood pulled above his head, trying hard not to slip and fall on his ass.

hongseok doubts he can still get to class at this rate, and even if he does, it would most probably be over by the time he gets there, so he hurries out of the streets and into a small coffee shop. he'll just stay there until the rain has stopped.

once he's ordered his coffee, he dumps his bag on the floor and slumps in his seat, sighing in relief – at least he's covered now. maybe he work on his essay while he waits. he takes his phone out, sending shinwon a message to ask for notes. he doesn't bother looking at the reply.

“here's your coffee.”

hongseok's head snaps up to see changgu placing a steaming cup in front of him, along with sugar and some tissues. changgu stands there for a moment, hesitating.

“would you like anything else...?”

hongseok snaps out of his stupor and smiles. “no, nothing else. thank you.” changgu nods and leaves, smiling.

he pulls his laptop out before he finally touches the coffee. picking a tissue up, he realises there's a name, a number, and a small smiley scribbled on it.

maybe he'll visit this shop more often.

 

 

hongseok finds changgu's name on a slot on one of the ICU doors, and he immediately knows that it's all changgu is now. a name in the hospital records, just waiting for his turn.

it doesn't stop him as he pushes the door open and steps into the room, eyes finding his.

changgu looks pale, even smaller now, but maybe that's just the effect of lying in a hospital bed, wearing a hospital gown. hongseok hopes he isn't dying. despite the amount of iv drips hooked to him, he still perks up when he sees hongseok, a smile gracing his lips.

“hi,” changgu says. “are you here to check up on me?”

hongseok doesn't even know what's there to check, so instead he says, “i'm here to check on the equipment.” and then he asks him about his day while he pretends to go over the equipment.

“it was fine. normal,” changgu would say. “tell me about yours, hongseok-ssi. i'm sure your days are far better than mine.”

it becomes a daily routine now, for hongseok to pass by room 417 so he can make sure that everything is working smoothly, and then asking changgu how his day went. they grow on each other – changgu's grown on him ever since the first lifetime, but really – and changgu becomes comfortable enough with him that he asks, one day, if he could have pizza, or maybe chicken. and while hongseok is a lying doctor, he isn't a bad one, so he denies changgu's wishes with a small laugh.

“when you get discharged,” hongseok tells him. “i'll treat you pizza.” and then it's changgu's turn to laugh.

“i know you're not really supposed to check the equipment daily, you know,” changgu says, one day. hongseok's surprised eyes turn to him. “my doctor told me so. i asked him. plus, there's another nurse who comes in for that, so i thought it was kind of obvious.”

“no,” hongseok says, “i'm not supposed to be here.”

“will you tell me why you're really here?” changgu asks. it's an honest question, one he doesn't say in an accusatory or upset way. his eyes are still crinkled happily, and he seems more curious than anything else.

“i will,” hongseok promises. “when i treat you pizza, so you better get out soon.”

changgu nods after thinking for a while. “soon, then.” he pauses for a while, then asks, “are you a student?”

hongseok shakes his head. “no, i graduated a year ago.”

“is being a doctor really what you want to do?”

“i've always wanted to help other people through medicine, but – ”hongseok throat tightens, and he's careful not to choke on his next words. “but i've always dreamed of singing, you know?” _i promised you i'll sing for you, remember?_

changgu hums thoughtfully. “why didn't you go for it? i think you should go for it. you only have one shot at life. no room for regrets. right?”

hongseok smiles, a bit bitter but mostly just... broken. hopeless and desperate. he shrugs. “maybe i will. right now, i'm determined to see that you get better.”

changgu laughs. “sing for me, hyung?”

it's not fair, really – not to him, and not to changgu. but with changgu, hongseok has forgotten that cases like these — cases like changgu — are ticking timebombs, a set conditions and treatments, distinguished by schedules and room numbers. changgu's dangerously close to exploding, and hongseok doesn't even know if there's a chance of saving him.

he finds out almost a week later that there was never a real chance of saving the boy. jinho's the one who pulls him aside, whispering in his ear that yeo changgu, room 417, was gone, has been gone since 2 in the morning. he suddenly feels tired, and he knows it's not just because he's been working restlessly for the past two days.

he doesn't have anything to look forward to in his hours of work – changgu had weaved himself so easily into hongseok's life once again, and then ripped himself out, leaving a painful hole in his place.

 

 

it takes a few lifetimes, but when the rare opportunity finally presents itself, hongseok doesn't hesitate to take it. he's failed his promise of singing for his lover so many times now – it doesn't matter anymore if he's there to hear him, although hongseok knows he will (he hopes so). he's here now, and he's not backing out.

anxiety churns in his stomach, his hands shaking as he steps into the building. this is his second shot now, and he doesn't know if he's got any luck left, so he has to succeed this time.

hongseok smiles and greets the other trainees politely – he's learned from last time – and startles at the sight of jinho and hwitaek, even hyojong at the back. he keeps his words to himself, introduces himself to familiar strangers.

hongseok isn't able to reign in his emotions quick enough when his eyes meet changgu's.

he steels himself for another onslaught of torment, because he knows that this lifetime wouldn't be different from any other, but then he _swears_ there's a flash of recognition in changgu's warm eyes, and he just _can't_ help but stare.

changgu holds his gaze, and hongseok watches, his heart tightening in anticipation, mixed with a bit of desperate hope, as a flurry of emotions swirl in his eyes, flicker across his face. confusion, fear, joy – and then there's love, making changgu's face light up slowly, filling up all the empty crevices in hongseok's heart from all the lifetimes he's spent trying to get him back. he feels relief flood his heart, washing over him in heavy waves because _god it's all finally coming back together._

changgu smiles, making his way forward. “hongseok,” he says. it's warm and lovely and familiar, the way it falls from his lips onto hongseok's ears. _it is home._  “hyung, would you sing for me?”

 

**Author's Note:**

> i forgot these but red carnations mean “my heart aches for you” and yellow chrysanthemums stand for slighted love, n i think u can figure why :) i hope u guys liked it


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